Topic and Concluding Sentences
The topic sentence should always be a specific argument. It works like a mini-thesis. Students often ask how the topic sentences and the thesis are related. I always explain that the thesis in the intro paragraph covers the basic argument for each of the body paragraphs while the topic sentence is an argument that elaborates on one specific aspect of the thesis.
A topic sentence should never be a fact. A fact is something that doesn’t require any extra evidence as support. Facts can either be very
specific plot details or sweeping generalities that are true whether the writer offers examples or not. The second type tends to be more common in student papers because students assume that if they can provide specific plot facts that fall underneath the general statement they make, then they have a good argument. Really, what they are doing is stating something relatively self- explanatory that requires no in depth examination or discussion. It is helpful to use handouts that clarify the common mistakes students make.
Fact Topic Sentences:
1. Tony struggles with his faith in Bless Me, Ultima.
This might work as part of an introductory paragraph, but it is not specific or argumentative enough for a thesis or a topic sentence. Sentences like these help to introduce the reader to the argument the paper addresses, but cannot stand on their own as cohesive arguments. They don’t offer the reader or the writer enough direction to write a focused paragraph.
2. Gabriel is a Marez; he comes from a family of vaqueros who thrive on traveling the countryside.
This sentence works as a lead in for a quote if the student plans on
discussing how Gabriel’s lifestyle influences his son. It could provide some context for an example so that the quote doesn’t seem to float in the
paragraph randomly. However, on its own it seems like a random fact that doesn’t really inspire twelve to fourteen sentences of analysis. When
students start with sentences like these they tend to summarize plot, or shove examples into their paragraphs in a mish mash, unfocused fashion.
3. When Florence explains to his classmates why he has no faith, his classmates act out destructively.
This sentence works much like the preceding one. It is purely plot based, but works to introduce the reader to example and to complex analysis. Analysis does not stand on its own, it depends on the quotes it addresses, and those quotes in turn need to be presented to the reader in a way that connects them smoothly to the content of the essay. Because of this, sentences like this
work very well when used in the body of a paragraph as a sort of tempering agent. What students should never do is use this type of sentence to begin a discussion. It’s like starting a sentence with the word “and”. 4. Tony is horrified when he witnesses Narciso’s death.
This sentence seems random. It’s obvious that Tony feels this way about Narciso’s murder, and there is no need to prove the statement. In addition, this fact doesn’t allow for a “so what” or a thematic discussion that relates to the thesis and the prompt. Since the essay’s purpose is essentially to be a thematic discussion, facts like these lead students into writing a paragraph that has nothing to do with the assignment at hand.
5. The priest punished Florence but not Tony after both are late to Catechism.
Again, this is a plot fact. It is also in past tense. Topic sentences must be in the literary present tense and they must allow for ample discussion in relation to the thesis and the prompt. This might be related to an example that the student plans to discuss, but it is not clear how it relates. It has the potential to lock the writer into writing a paragraph that is not organized in a logical fashion. The way I explain this to my students is by using the grey scale metaphor. I tell them that when they make a grey scale in art they are given a long strip of paper that is divided into equal bars. They must start with white and slowly fill in shades of grey until they reach black. Their paragraphs should be written the same way. They need to begin at the
beginning with a strong argument that allows for evidence and analysis, and then link their thoughts together like bars of grey until they get to their ultimate thematic so what. Beginning with a sentence like this is like beginning with a shade of grey.
Ambiguous Topic Sentences:
1. Gabriel Marez teaches Tony about the understandings of life, but also isolates Tony from his own life.
This sentence is awkwardly worded and vague. It leads to confusion for both the writer and the reader. The writer never specifies what “understandings of life” means, nor does she explain what she means by “isolates Tony from his own life”. The sentence itself is open to interpretation. This weakens the paragraph because the topic sentence should always be a strong decisive argument. There shouldn’t be any room for the reader to wonder what the writer is saying. At the same time, there shouldn’t be any room for the writer to wonder what he/she is saying. When I see sentences like this they tend to accompany paragraphs that are just as ambiguous. They tend to skip all over the place in terms of thematic content and quote choice. Topic sentences
that allow for so much room often create paragraphs that lack organization and cohesion.
2. Narciso has a huge influence on Tony’s life, teaches him many and changes him into a sophisticated young man. valuable things
Many students who are trying to avoid writing vague topic sentences assume that a long sentence equals a specific argument. As a result, they take a short, vague sentence and add adjectives that don’t really do anything except mask the ambiguity of the argument for an inexperienced writer. It is true that Narciso influences Tony, and the writer was correct in addressing that as part of his topic sentence. He was also correct in giving his paragraph
direction. He lets the reader know that part of the “so what” is that Narciso’s influence inspires Tony to grow into a “sophisticated young man”. The problem is in the word “things”. That leaves way too much room for young writers to throw in examples that don’t really relate to any specific point. I encourage students to put in a word for “thing(s)” so as to ensure that they are giving themselves clear direction. This sentence would probably work for the reader as long as the writer remembers to discuss specific lessons in the paragraph, but high school writers often forget what they need to do if they don’t make it clear in a topic sentence. That results in a paragraph with a lot of plot but little analysis.
3. Tony’s friends have a big influence on him.
This paragraph begins by going in the right direction, but that beginning is too vague to allow for the writer to focus in on a specific lesson and quotes that relate directly to that lesson. This sentence gives young writers too much “wiggle room”. The topic sentence needs to be very clear about what lesson or what types of lessons Tony learns from each character. That helps the writer to find quotes that all clearly connect to one another and to the lesson they plan to discuss in their analysis.
4. Gabriel teaches Tony not to forget his roots.
This needs to be more specific. What does Gabriel teach Tony about heritage. The topic sentence also contains slang. Slang is not allowed in formal essays. I tell students that they can identify slang by asking themselves if the word they use can be taken literally and still make sense in the paragraph. If this student means roots like the roots of a plant then the word works fine. Otherwise he/she needs to choose more specific and formal diction.
5. Gabriel’s wisdom helps Tony choose the right path to follow.
This would be okay if the second sentence specifies what wisdom Gabriel offers his son. That’s part of the art of essay writing that isn’t formulaic. A topic sentence can be two sentences if they work well together. The problem with this is that students have a tendency to cling to the “rule” that there is only one way to do things. They get a formula (which is good while they are learning to structure an essay) and then can’t let go of it because they assume that there is only one way to write an essay. They forget that the point of the formula in the first place is to give them the direction they need to prove a point effectively. They get so obsessed with the formula that they forget why they use it.
Awkward/Wordy Topic Sentences:
1.The theme of being skeptical of one’s beliefs to achieve greater knowledge about faith conveys through the episode that involves the performance of the school’s nativity play.
2. Tony learns from Florence how to get the most out of faith by showing him that every religion is not perfect and believing in something is having faith
3. Gabriel Marez, Tony’s father, advises Tony many values through his own imbalance.
4. Gabriel Marez teaches Tony the lesson of violence and drinking.
5. Florence, one of Tony’s Catechism classmates, teaches Tony one of the major challenges that they face, and that is justice.
Strong Topic Sentences:
Florence teaches Tony that faith has nothing to do with organized religion Narciso teaches Tony that a man must defend his personal values.
Gabriel Marez is instrumental in teaching Tony to be independent and to grow in to a strong, principled young man.
Florence is crucial in teaching Tony to question the beliefs that he has followed all his life and to search for answers that fulfill him.
Narciso teaches Tony the valuable lesson of good judgment, and although he is only recognized as “the town drunk”, he has a deep underlying set of morals (Anaya 20).
Florence teaches Tony many lessons about religion even though Florence is not religious.
Because of Narciso, Tony learns to care for those in need and to selflessly put others before himself.
Tony learns to cherish his family, to defend his honor, and to make wise decisions from his father, Gabriel Marez.
Narciso gives Tony the inspiration to be strong and courageous enough to stand firm in the face of evil.
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